Social Isolation & Covid 19 – The Worldwide Double Pandemic

“Only those things that allow you to help someone is worth the effort.” Rev.   C.T. Vivian-Civil Rights activist.  

This writing is a 3 year compilation detailing My life just before the dreaded year of COViD 19.  I send My thoughts, prayers, and condolences to the loved ones that we have lost along the way during this very uncertain, perhaps the scariest and most frustrating times of our adult lives.  May we all continue to remain safe and healthy and find again JOY!

**July 2024-  It has now been 6 years total since I have not had my Independence.  After I returned back to Las Vegas… Family life dealt me another round of deception.  Things did not go according to what I was expecting, and I had to go “underground” once again to exchange Teaching English and aiding the Elderly for room & board outside of the United States.  I was able to get my hard drives and begin again editing previous content in attempt to become monetized on YouTube ,…in efforts to live independently once more!  **

INTRODUCTION

I have survived by remaining isolated, staying safe and healthy thus far.   I give thanks for being kept sustained and strong, mentally, physically, and emotionally.    I have been enduring a number of challenges,… perhaps some of you can relate to.   I am the financial caretaker of My elderly parent.    Elder care is a particularly delicate subject.  It is almost the equivalent of caring for an infant, or a toddler child.   But,… what happens when the aging parent is primarily physically & emotionally strong but financially weak.   What happens when the elder parent gradually becomes emotionally and financially abusive to the caretaker?    This is the story of My 3+ year Covid mental & physical double quarantine/house arrest that I experienced.   It  forced Me to flee America to relocate to Mexico for mental, physical, & financial freedom  as a digital nomad,…or so I thought!

It began just a little more than 3 years ago, when the time came finally for Me to make a decision of commitment that I had put off taking on for a number of years prior.   It was mostly due to the fact that father was indecisive about the actual year that he would decide to finally retire to his home country once and for all.

It had been the same routine of a yearly question,…”father, are you ready yet?” Father,…”I’ll let you know when I’m ready.” Me,…” Ok!”   This dialogue went on for the previous 7 years.    But in 2018… I received an alarming call from father conveying  how cold had been in the home the last winter,  and that he was now past tired of the cold and was ready to live full time in his tropical homeland paradise.

I was shocked to say the least,… because this was the first time I had heard any sort of discomfort from father…EVER in life!   It was almost like a crying out for help and rescue for Me to give him the gift that I had always wanted to give to father….the Gift of Retirement.

I informed him that I would not renew My Las Vegas lease, and that I would store My furniture and return to the east coast by early summer.

I had a lot of checked luggage for My flight back to the east coast.   The excess of what I needed immediately, I shipped by postal service across the country so that I could have all of My comforts, and working equipment to start the online digital marketing business that I was working towards.   That was the plan.

When I arrived that summer in 2018,  I spent an entire month with father.   I started taking classes in Video Production to become knowledgeable to be able to create and produce new video content, and a new YouTube channel all on My own.

I continued classes the duration of the fall and winter months.    By this time, father had gone to his homeland,  but had again now returned to the U.S. once more.

This was not what I was hoping for but I didn’t fret too much as I knew that in a short few months, it would be time to ask the yearly question again.   “Father,…are you going to go, and stay this time?”

With uncertainty in his reply… I suggested to  father,  “How about if I book your  stay there for 6 months and spend Christmas back home since it’s been over 40 years since you’ve spent the actual holidays away from America.”

He agreed, and I was overjoyed because I knew that with this time away there  was just enough time to send for My storage unit, and to get all of My belongings and equipment set up permanently.

I would finally be able to get back  to what I love,…providing an outlet & training for submissives, and making new & sexy content for My clips stores and social media postings.

I spent the winter learning new skills that I would apply while I sat locked down in a small portion of My family home.    At that time I was able to live from My savings,  so I wasn’t so concerned at this point.   I was literally living as a Lady patiently waiting just passing the time trying to make the best of these next few months.

Things at home with father was very dramatic, and emotionally taxing on Me. You see,… I thought I was returning back home to retire My father,..but little did I know that I would be strung along, used and manipulated becoming  a prisoner in My family home.   Father is a strong headed, stubborn Caribbean old school traditional type of  man, and also he is a Taurus the Bull zodiac.   It’s always his way or the highway,… no compromise.

SUMMER 2019

The summer came around, and I was able to get out and about with the Service of a dear local sissy sub who contacted Me just before I arrived on My way to the east coast.  This sissy was  looking to be used & Owned by Me.   This was the best thing I could have had happen because I needed a devoted one close to Me,… anxious and available to show Servitude.

We hotel hopped around the city, taking in sights, having lunch, getting acquainted, and building a mutual trust for one another.    I could not have done many things without My D.C. sissy, and I’m forever grateful for the devotion shown all throughout these last years and to this very day!  I also had a devoted Aussie slave,..however this was long distance but he looked after his GODDESS just how he promised.

After spending this summer again without father, and for 6months,  I  was not really expecting him to return.    You see,… father is a narcissist, and likes to be in control.    Even though I booked the ticket for 6months,  I really thought he agreed to 6 months just so he would not to have to admit, or give away that he would not be returning in January.    To My surprise and huge disappointment,… New Year’s day, father returned back to home to the United States.

With this new development,  mid  January I planned to leave home and traveled to Utah to visit a friend and to house sit for a month, while he went away for an extended holiday.   He offered so that I could have time alone and get a bit of peace and freedom from father and the feeling of being in a prison.    By the time I returned back to the east coast mid February…the first cases of covid were now starting to make the news.

As time went on, and the cases and drama of the World started to simmer,… in just a couple more months, it was bubbling.    Soon, it would come to My attention that our home country was now closing its borders.    Now father would not be allowed to get back to his country for the remainder of the year, or at least for the foreseeable months ahead according to the Caribbean news outlets.

I was devastated, and I was running out of money.   I was living off of savings, and father has a very, very limited income.   We had an agreement of how I would take over the main finances,…but as time went on, I lost all ability to make a living.

I tried to have conversations with father about future plans, financial planning, and most importantly to discuss the responsibilities that one must provide and oversee when caring for an elder parent.

The issue is that father is strong, and healthy for the most part.   He thrives on fishing, gardening, and cooking.    Those are his absolute loves in life, and what keeps him occupied, and thriving.

His self-sufficient ways are a plus for him, but a hurdle for Me because father keeps strong control of the kitchen most of the day and into the early evening night hours.   His motto and humorous saying to those who are on the more slimmer side… “you’re living  too far from the kitchen.   I like to be close to the kitchen.”   Father gives his full sized round belly slaps with both of his hands. Father is humorous when he wants to be.   Either he’s serious & stern, or a Caribbean comic.    Father’s time when not watching westerns, or gardening, is all spent…  living close to the kitchen.

DOUBLE QUARANTINE

I had to live through a quarantine, within a double quarantine.   I had to quarantine from the World, and quarantine from father, as he never changed his shopping habits and hygienic habits according to the CDC.   Father went grocery shopping even more during the public warnings than before there was a coronavirus pandemic.

I had to beg father to wear masks, and he would not listen to Me until I showed him the news, calling it mandatory.    I had to wipe down every surface as he came back from the excessive grocery shopping sprees.    I asked him, “Father, why can’t you get the things you need for the week instead of shopping every other day of the week?”   He said he needs his food, and he is going to go out whenever he feels like it.    I just didn’t understand why he would risk both of our health with so much extra unnecessary exposure when so much was happening so fast?

It was horrible, and I was miserable.    Everyday I said a prayer and was thankful that I was at least hidden away, and healthy.    When you have good health,…everything else is possible.    Isn’t that right?    Yes!   So I suffered in silence.

I was desperate as time went on, living in misery with no friends, no family to call on, and nowhere to go to escape the ways and living conditions that father has created with his negligence and with his constant presence.    The home is deteriorating and father wants to ignore and live the life again of a 3rd world citizen.   In his old age now,…it’s all fine with him as long as he has food, and is able to be close to the kitchen.    For Me…it’s utter torture.

I wrote to a local/national news channel, and even to a talk show host that was actually living in the same area close by.    I wrote with tears in My eyes and anxiety in My heart hoping for a response that someone would care and save Me,…but those replies were never returned,…they never came.   The days turned into months, and months into years.    I felt the feeling of being totally alone, abandoned, and misunderstood to the outsiders that can’t help Me, or just were not able to help Me.

No amount of concern of words from father’s closest friends could get him to make the departure date for the sake of honoring his word to Me,… for him to take  his “foot off of My neck.”    I wanted him to give My life back to Me.    It’s sad that a saying like that is the same deadly quote that spread viral Worldwide, could somehow be applied to Me.    I was being stifled in My life by My own father,… after I gave up everything to give the biggest gift of love, respect, and Freedom that a child can give to their aging parent.

I could not breathe, yet I was still alive.   Some may think it’s a bit dramatic, but I swear this is how I felt.     A hurt so deep, and so thick, that when you can’t help from crying out,  there is no actual  sound,…only the stabbing pain of desperation suspended in air from a broken heart.   When your own father has betrayed you for their own selfish narcissistic ways… you feel like you’re being strangled as your emotional toll is weakened, your physical body and mental state starts to decline.

Some days were better than others.    I tried to find the joy, and blessing in at least having food, and being able to keep away from father,  yet still keeping a watch out for him as I also have to continue to do.    As many caretakers know,…it has to be done no matter what.    I could not avoid father  because caring for him and about him,…it’s My duty as his daughter.

I kept Myself afloat with meditation, prayers, and self motivation daily,…as often as I could to keep from feeling overly saddened.    YouTube became My everything.    It was My medication, education, and relaxation.   Cable for once, was finally worth it’s monthly rate!    It got Me through the next few months while with crossed fingers, I prayed that the borders back home would soon open.

Autumn is now here, and all summer I hoped that things would change and father would once again leave but he did not.    Now it’s been 8 months isolated inside the home continuously,…with no real place to go,  and no opportunity to make a living.   My job was now to look after father, and to skillfully get in and out of the kitchen to perform My weekly meal prep and cooking.

This took all of My keen observation, listening & tactical skills to maneuver in such a way.    It’s all done strategically, and as quickly as possible.    Every move is filled with anxiety of being face to face with the man who is holding Me prisoner….I feel.    I so wanted and had vivid dreams of being on My own again, and close to the kitchen in freedom, singing, dancing, even unclothed if I desired.      Freedom to Me is to be able to be close to the kitchen at any time that you please.    I hadn’t experienced this for over 3 years.

I decided that I would take an offer up for a visit to Las Vegas, and then again to Utah.  With this foreseen new freedom again,… I had plans to start filming once again.    I planned to make the most of this time away to try to generate an income again to replenish My depleting savings.    The only thing that was completed, was more of the manipulation of My heart, trust, and pursestrings from the very family member who invited Me to fly out for a get away… under very false pretenses.    That ended not well at all.

Onward now to Utah to assist the friend that I did house sitting for just 8 months ago.    We used to work together in Corporate sales,    I now had new exciting plans for new training and working agenda with him and he shockingly reneged upon.    I,… however, still kept My word to assist him with what I had agreed to do.

I did get a break and a brief period of time away from father,.. but I was extremely disappointed with the events of both Las Vegas & Utah revealed to Me. Once again I was sought out by family & friends for  moral support, but instead they attempted to use  and manipulate Me both emotionally, and financially.   My own flesh and blood and closest business friend betrayal of trust once again?! Yes again!   I quickly moved on.

I fulfilled My obligations, while trying to keep My mind, soul, and spirit highly motivated to face a dreaded return to the east coast once again.    Father is still there happy and carefree.

RETURN TO EAST COAST COVID 2021

I’m returning home again after 3 months with high hopes that things would change for the better and that the World’s major problem would somehow work itself out.    Could things finally go back to normal where I could have My Freedom again?     We all just want things to be as they were before and even better.    The uncertainty, the confusion, the losses.     How will we experience joy again?    It’s now February again – 2021, 1 year later.    I’ve returned home again to the east coast.     It’s like a repeat of the year before, but now we’re 1 year into covid and it’s a catastrophe worldwide now.

Months go by and I have arranged father’s covid vaccination dates.    May, 1 shot down,…June, 2nd shot completed with no complications and so I am feeling optimistic.    I know for sure that I want to travel asap so as soon as I see father is doing ok with his vaccinations,  I renew My passport, and I decide to plan for My own vaccination dates just to travel again.    I get an appointment much faster than I did with my father.    I got fully vaccinated and I am planning for another escape as I see that father is still making excuses as to why he is not leaving again for his homeland.

I am puzzled as I have done everything to make it possible for him to book his travel date, now borders are now again open for him to depart,… but he just doesn’t seem to want to commit.    It’s just one excuse after another.   It’s funny looking back before the 2020 election,… father even used the reason/excuse why he isn’t booking the departure date before January of 2021.    He said that he  has to see who ends up in the White house first before he can plan a date.   Trump is gone from the White House,…but father is still in his house to this very day.  It is now presently just before Christmas 2021 going into the new year.   I thought I could at least bring a little humor to this recollection.    Remembering bits like this gives Me a chuckle that I use as a coping mechanism after the initial sadness of the moment is over.

My father has held My entire life up for over 3 years.    There’s something going on deeper with him and I know it for sure.    When you are an aging elder and you  become indecisive on purpose… there is something deeper, and sadness there that I feel pity for because I know that inside that father is suffering a karmic debt.

Some would rather live alone,  forsaking everyone and everything to keep their secrets buried within no matter what the price or cost to themselves, or to anyone around them.    He’s My father, and so I must forgive… but how can I ever forget?   Every daughter wants Her father’s love and kindness.

I had to leave My home in Las Vegas and I sacrificed everything to give a gift that I intended to give,…whether it goes the way that was planned or not.   I still am giving the gift,…aren’t I?    For this I AM Blessed, and I will again rise like a phoenix from the ashes.    I will have Beauty for the  ashes.

I have a family home that my father has let go to shit…it will be a major cost just to bring the home up to code.    It has become some place that I refuse to live in ever again, and especially as long as he continues to reside there.

The joy has been lost, but I will one day reap the reward for all of My respect, loyalty,  devoted love and stellar patience.   Patience is a virtue and this is a truth in life.   The time has come to make another very important life decision if I want to survive personally, and financially,… and to truly enjoy life again this remainder 2021 and beyond.

After pondering for about 2 months on YouTube,  I came across a channel that inspired Me to make a choice to move to either Portugal or Mexico.   Portugal was not yet open, but Mexico offers a 6 months tourist Visa for US citizens and the pecos go a very long way further in comparison to the Euro.

I studied for months trying to decide which State of Mexico would suit Me best as a digital nomad and soon I made a choice.   I booked a ticket to a small fishing village in Mexico.   I told father My plans to live in Mexico.    I simply could not afford to pay his mortgage, and to pay rent anywhere else in America that would be comfortable for Me and giving Me the ability to create content for future income.    One would think,..well perhaps I could have done some other work online position,…but the issue was that I had no privacy, no quiet, and I was always on call to answer fathers calls =(shouts or grumbles).

Father was also forgetting to turn off the stove burners more often, and he would sometimes forget to remove the keys from the lock of the front door.    It was a full time job to look after his forgetfulness, and planning the perfect times to sneak in and out of the kitchen just to eat a meal.   I had to cook late into the night/early 12am hours to cook a meal that had to last Me at least 1 week until I could get the time alone there to cook the next weekly dinner meal.

There were many weeks that My devoted darling D.C. sissy would shop for groceries, snacks, and order fast food carry outs in amounts able to last Me for a few days because father had fresh fish to clean and butcher from scratch.    When you season up the fish the Caribbean way, you scale, gut, season, cook the fish, and then freeze the remaining portions.    This was the process and it took at least 3-4 days to complete,… at father’s leisure of course.

This was My life!… and what comes along right after fish guts and scales? Flies!!!!  Big, loud buzzing summer flies all around,  enjoying the butcher’s scraps of the heavy pounder fish father purchases at least once a month.

Is this the Life of an Ebony GODDESS?!   It’s the Life of a Woman who lives to assist the underdog,…and I considered My father to be one of the underdog after experiencing several personal losses and tragedies during his life in which we both suffered,… and paid a hefty price.   I put My pride aside and became full time the dutiful daughter and did what a proper child should do for their aging parent.    It’s our Culture, and  The Bible says to Honor thy Mother and Father and so I do proudly.    Sadly,… father doesn’t see it that way.    I give,…and he ungratefully takes.

A MOVE SOUTH OF THE BORDER

Most people flee Mexico to America for a better life.    Well,… I fled America to Mexico for a better quality of life.   I decided that I would celebrate My Independence day (4th of July) in Mexico where I would be celebrating My first Freedom in 3 years.    It would be the first time in 3 years that I was again living alone,  free to cook when I want,  cook how I want dancing in a t-shirt and My panties on, with the music going,… as I so love to do.

I was happy that I had found an English speaking Property manager by doing thorough research, and it paid off.    I had a nice modern 2 bedroom apartment home, and I was so happy and filled with joy.   I did My shopping, prepared the home,  and started planning the basics for the start of a new YouTube channel and much more.   Then not long after, reality set in.    I had a neighbor that started gaining motion and becoming noisy right around 9-9:30 pm when most are settling down for the night.    The noises went on until almost 2 in the morning.     It was hard to ignore to say the least.

Then,… I was introduced to the many different tropical bugs.    Now, I know about this tropical lifestyle as My family is from this same climate, and I’ve spent plenty of time there throughout My lifetime.    This was different evenso.

I even experienced a hurricane just a few weeks after being in Mexico.    I knew that it was a possibility, but it was a chance that I was willing to take just to have My Freedom away from father and to be able to attempt to again make an income online.   Being in the dark, with no aircon, and in silence was a time of nervousness, yet calmness.    After all of the scary wind, rain, and power outages,… I had a new perspective.

Some of My family drama followed Me to Mexico as well and so it seemed that even though I was in another country basically for survival…My family still had no consideration for My current situation and state of being.